An Open Letter To My Mom

 I’m not sure where you stand with me - I can’t imagine going 5 years without speaking to either of my kids. But I know it takes a force nearly as powerful as God to keep a mom away from her baby, and grandbabies. You have your reasons and your journey, and I accept that. I invite you to become a companion along my own journey again when you are ready.

I have my own daughter now, and she got a little brother a year ago. I married an army guy and we are the best team - it’s hard to tell whether my sons dimples are from me or my husband. 

I’m still a nurse, and have gotten pretty good at it. Covid sucked worse than you could possibly imagine, but it opened a lot of doors for me and I quickly found myself serving various leadership functions within the hospital. I often wish I could take you in my pocket and let you watch me run codes and do charge. I think you’d be impressed. Or take you in my pocket and let you watch me be a mom. I am a damn good mom, and I do it similar to how you did and also very differently. 

I reconnected with Dennis, my biological dad. He died 4 months after our first contact. You don’t have to worry about him any more, and although I appreciated him and loved him, I don’t hold it against you that you kept him from me. Coparenting is hard and scary. I had to deal with a lot of really hard feelings when I separated from L’s dad and began raising her in a split household. I wonder what my life would have been like if he had been allowed to coparent me, maybe you could have had a much needed break from parenting full time. But it’s not worth thinking about now. 

I do consider Dennis my real father over Mark, although I give them both respect. Mark had a hard time connecting with me from day one, and me and Dennis immediately understood each other. It was effortless and Maybe I’ll talk about it more later. 

Either way, I make choices now that I know you wouldn’t make, and I’m okay with that. I’m happy with what I’ve made of my life, and I hope you can be happy for me.